


who could deny these butterflies? spideychelle /petermj

by honeyfuls



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-07 15:13:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15221921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyfuls/pseuds/honeyfuls
Summary: in which peter and michelle reunite in a diner.





	1. Chapter 1

Michelle Jones sat in a diner. Not just any diner, her favorite one. It was conveniently close to the college she attended, and by far the best one in the area. Sure, it was old and kind of dingy but it gave off positive vibes.

She ordered a strawberry smoothie, something she rarely did. It was an occasion, however, for she had just aced her final exam for the year. A treat to me before I'm head deep in debt, she thinks to herself. The waiter approached her and took away the glass, replacing it with a cup of tea.

"Oh, wait, I-I uh didn't order this," She states.

"It's from the gentleman over there." He points to the left. Michelle glances over her shoulder, to see-

No. It can't be. Peter Parker?

He waves at her, and she shoots him a rather confused look back.

Peter Parker. From Highschool.

Sure, she remembers the dork. He always skipped classes and decathlon practices. He-

She takes a moment to wonder if he still had the Spider-Man gig going. Peter had never officially told her until senior year, but she confessed that she had been in the know since sophomore year. She is knocked out of her thoughts when someone sits in the bar stool next to her.

"Hey, MJ." She turns quickly and sees Peter sitting calmly next to her. Michelle hadn't heard that nickname in a long time. Almost 4 years.

"Peter, god, it's so nice to see you!" She confesses, standing up and pulling him into a warm bear hug. He laughs into her shoulder before pulling away.

Michelle hops back onto the stool and takes a packet of sugar and pours it into her tea. Swirling it around with her spoon, she begins socializing with him.

"It's been super long." He nods, agreeing. "That it has."

"Do you go to college around here? That's the only reason why I'd assume you'd stick around."

"Actually, I, do. I'm studying at CUNY." She replies. "What about you, Parker? What have you been up to?"

"I finally got a paying job at Stark Industries." He smiles, before it fades.

"What? The Avengers don't get a yearly salary? Psh." She laughs, waving a hand in front of her face. Peter gives her a look that screams "shut up" and her hand flies to her mouth.

"Sorry," MJ giggles. "You were saying?"

"I'm, like the, CEO now." He shrugs. Michelle doesn't press the subject much further because she knows that Tony passed away after saving half the universe. He was widely mourned around the globe, his death affecting everyone.

Peter was affected the most. He looked up to Tony as if he was his father. Even though they didn't get to spend a life time together, the bond was as strong as it could be. Tony constantly told others how proud he was when Peter saved his cargo plane. Or when he saved his classmates and risked his life climbing a 555 foot monument. If anything, Tony personally believed that Peter was his own. He didn't dare admit such a thing, it was assumed however.

"That's wonderful." She softly smiles, patting his back. Peter is now lost in his mind, memories flooding in that he swore to never remember. His eyes become watery whilst locked on the tile floor below him. "Peter, are you alright?" Michelle asks, standing up.

He shakes his head and wipes his (almost) tears, afraid to cry over something that happened years ago. He rarely cried, let alone in public.

"Pete, hey, let's get out of here." She pulls out her wallet and places a twenty on the counter and grabs his hand. He treads behind her, shoulders sulking.

Peter clearly isn't in a good place right now, MJ tells herself. She drags him outside, the cold winter air hitting her skin and taking her aback. "Just when I thought it couldn't get any colder."

She looks up at Peter now. He grew a lot since she last saw him. When she was a senior, she towered over him. It was the complete opposite now. His face seems to be stuck in a permanent pout. "Peter, can you believe it? I mean, we just reunited in a old crummy diner. Remember?" She shakes him lightly, and he looks at her.

MJ almost gasps when their eyes connect. His eyes don't look as bright as a few moments ago. The look plastered upon his face accentuated his hurt and pain.

She didn't realize until now how much Tony Stark really meant to him.

Peter felt so stupid for letting his feelings take over. He wasn't one to be sad in front of others, but he had been holding it in for so long that it had to be released sometime. And that sometime was not going to be right now. He refused to spread his sadness. He sighs, softly smiling at MJ.

"Yeah, yeah," They interlock arms and walk down the busy sidewalk with a destination of no particular choosing.

"Do you still live with your Aunt?"

Michelle looks at him once more, seeing the color and life come back into his eyes and face.

"I do, actually. She hasn't aged a day." He laughs. "Well, what are we waiting for, Parker?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Let's go then," He agrees.

 

 

 

 

 

The two eventually reach the same old apartment Michelle recalls vividly. Peter swings open the door, and Aunt May looks up from her cook book and smiles widely.

"Michelle Jones," She stands up, shaking her head in disbelief. "It's been way too long since we last saw eachother." MJ hugs May.

"Peter-who's here?" A voice from inside his room calls. Ned Leeds.

"Ned, come out here and see for yourself. Might wanna pinch yourself first." He teases, coaxing Ned out of his room and away from Lego.

Ned steps out very cautiously. "Is it an alien?" He looks around before his eyes wander to Michelle. He nods, a smirk starting to form. "Yup, an alien alright."

Michelle receives her third hug of the day.

"You guys still hang out? Dorks." She cackled. The boys look at each other confused. "Yeah duh? We're best friends."

"In my defense, we all were pretty close before college split us up."

"College for you, Stark Industries for us." Ned bragged. "No way, what do you do there?"

"I help build tech, mainly computer work though," He smiles.

"Michelle," May looks at her watch. "It was so lovely seeing you again and we need to catch up over lunch but I've got my night time yoga class." MJ embraces her once more before May leaves.

"Now it's awkward." Ned commented.

True, there was a slight tension in the air because they hadn't seen each other in years. But it wasn't too bad.

"I don't have any classes tomorrow, so let's have a sleepover. -For old times sake, I mean. You guys are still losers." She comments.

"Michelle, listen. We aren't losers anymore. We're millionaires." Ned boasted.

"You can have all the money in the world and still be a loser." She countered, walking towards the sofa and lying down.

Peter shrugs, agreeing only in his head. He asks MJ to move over so he can sit too, but she refuses.

"Fine, I'll sit on your legs." He responds, sitting down on her legs. She laughs, pushing him over and scoots over. Ned grabs the remote, and puts the movie "Footloose" in the player.

"This movie sucks," Peter comments. Ned rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry but I recall that MJ likes this movie, so."

"Nah Ned. I think only you like this movie." Michelle remarks.

"Oh, well, bug off then!"

Peter shrugs for the millionth time today, nodding towards his room. Michelle stands up and follows behind him.

"I didn't mean literally!" They heard Ned yell. They laugh and decide to come back out in a few minutes.

An awkward silence fills Peter's small room. Michelle takes a moment to look around, and notices not much has changed. She opens his closet door and sees the Spider Man suit hanging lazily in the far corner of the closet. It look like it hadn't been touched in days—maybe weeks.

"No more swinging around?"

Peter looks at her and then glances behind her. "I've just been swarmed with work." He replies simply. Michelle nods. "You're not busy now, right?" Peter knows the look on her face. She wants him to take her on a joy ride.

The last time he saw that look was.. senior year.  
Michelle somehow convinced him (he personally believed that it was blackmail) to let her ride on his back.

He shakes his head. "No, no way."

"C'mon," She groans. "It'll be fun!"

"I feel like watching Footloose with Ned would be more fun—and I hate that movie." Michelle puts a puppy face on and stares at him.

He exhales and looks away. "Michelle, I—"

"Look, let's have fun right now with Ned. Please?" Michelle could see that Peter was begging her at this point, more than she was begging him.

She nods slowly, following him back out to the living room.

However, for the rest of the night she pondered:

What happened to Peter since she last saw him?

And why was he avoiding his powers?


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> michelle realizes peter is in desperate need of emotional support.

The young adults were sprawled all over the apartment and awoke to the smell of bacon being cooked. Although, it wasn't Aunt May's doing.

It was Peter.

Michelle groaned, but she took one good inhale and shot up immediately.

"Bacon?" She scratches her head. She felt her hair and realized how much of a mess she must have looked. She didn't mind though.

"Glad to see you're awake, MJ," Peter smiles, offering his hand. Michelle grabs it, standing up.

"Want some?" He motions to the bacon sitting on a paper plate on the counter. She drags herself into the kitchen, looking at the bacon.

"I went vegetarian last year. Animal rights and all. I can't go fully vegan, but I want to." She shrugs, instead sticking her head in the fridge.

"The only thing you have in here that is vegetarian is butter, Pete." She looks at him, door still ajar.

"We can go out, if you'd like. I had to cook this sooner or later or it would go bad."

"Okay," She agrees. Peter pulls out his phone and Michelle saw a glimpse of May on his lockscreen. She smiles.

He starts playing the Star Wars theme song and Michelle hears a groggy Ned begin to wake up.

"Oh, Pete?" She touches him gently on the shoulder and he looks at her. He looks perfect.

She's been on so many dates before with many attractive men.

But it wasn't until now that she realized his eyes and how they were only focused on her. Or his hair, which really needed a trim. Or his mouth, that kept moving..

"What? MJ? Hellooooo?" He waves a hand in front of her face, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Uh, can we stop at my dorm before we go? Please?"

She realized in the few moments there that her lady time was here.

"Peter, we have to move, please," She pleads.

"What..why?" He gives her a confused look.

"Pete.. do you really want to know?" She smirks.

"Yes! I want to know why you are practically shoving me out the door with your words."

She shrugs. "M'kay cool. My vagina is bleeding profusely and if we don't leave now you'll see it through my pants. Plus, I really need to change in general." Ned coughs.

Peter gulps, unable to form words. "Aunt May has stuff, y'know, for that."  
"In the bathroom under the sink!" He calls to her, but she's already in there.

Peter takes this time to change his clothes. He puts on a tee shirt and sweats. He glimpses at the suit and shudders. He places his winter coat on top of his tee shirt.

It still reminds Peter of him.

Tony, to be more specific. The person he looked up to. He died saving him and half the universe.

And as a result, left him, a 21 year old kid, in charge of his company which he built.  
He does his work and leaves, pained even by being in the building. Some days he doesn't even bother to show up, such as today. Yet he still gets paid. He assumes Tony wanted Peter to be financially safe if he ever died.

And he did. Tony is gone. So is Peter. He hasn't touched the suit in a while, and the media has gone crazy. It's just all too much. He knew for the past few years it had been haunting him. Tony made that suit for him. It reminds Peter of him. He thinks he should have move on by now. But why hasn't he? Perhaps it was because he still had a piece of Tony's tech in his closet. Or that he practically owned his company now.

He shakes all those feelings away and walks out to an impatient Michelle. "We need to talk."

"We'll be back!" she calls out, slamming the door.

On the walk to her dorm, it is silent.

"Peter. Stop." She walks in front of him, looking at him.

"Stop what?" Another confused look is on his face. The millionth one today.

"Pretending that you're okay. You're not, alright? I heard you crying in your room this morning. I know you miss him. And I'm going to try my best to be here for you even with my hectic schedule. I hated you in high school. Kinda still do," She pauses, laughing, even though nothing she was talking about was funny. "It's just, I can't stand to see you upset over this. I'm not telling you to move on. I know it's hard. I lost my dad. I still cry sometimes. I have his watch. I shudder when I see that. It's been years. My point is," She sighs, pulling him in for a hug. It surprises Peter at first but he hugs back with the same amount of caring.

"It's okay to mourn. But you can't stand here and be sad for the rest of your life. You have a wicked cool power, Peter. Tony would want you to use it. To save people just like he did. To improve the world." She speaks into his shoulder and his grip gets just a little tighter.

"I still am sad about my dad. But I don't let it ruin my day. You don't have to move on right now, or ever. Please try to be happy, eh? Because there are people who worry about you. Ned, Aunt May, and me."

She rubs his back as he becomes shaky. His body moves as he sobs into her shoulder.  
She places on hand in his hair and focuses on rubbing his hair. He sobs for another 10 minutes. "Peter?" She tries to pull away but he pulls her back and holds her. She does not try to break away again.

"I just miss him so much. I don't know what I'm gonna do. He gave me his company MJ. His company. I can't handle that..."

She slightly pulls away and looks in his eyes. They are still connected because Peter clings to her as if his life depended on it. But he latches his eyes onto hers.

"I don't know what I'm going to do." Michelle wipes his tears off with the pad of her thumb.

"We can figure something out, I mean can't you retire?" She lets him go.

"I'm conflicted there too..I feel like I would be letting him down. And the Avengers keep trying to comfort me and I keep ignoring them. I'm in such a crappy place. And I can't get out." He replies, his voice slowly returning to normal.

"Then taking a break is the best possible option, at least for now." She wants to embrace him but decides against it. It would be weird. Except to Peter it's not, because he hugs her again.

She realises while hugging him that he needs emotional support and doesn't want to burden May..or Ned, with his issues.

 

 _I am the emotional support_ , she thinks to herself as she lets go. "Can I go get changed? I'm stinky," She says, making the air around them less tense. "Yeah, let's go I can really smell you." He pinches his nose and she punches his arm. Lightly of course, as to not draw any bad fighting memories from the back of his brain.

_I am the emotional support._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pair finally reach her dorm, and MJ lifts her key up to the door. Peter watches closely. When she finally opens the door, he sees its slightly messy. Cups are scattered around, evident she had drank a lot of tea recently.

"Sorry for the clutter," She apologizes. Peter thinks it is a beautiful kind of messy. It makes him feel comforted that someone else his age still has clutter. Then again, nearly every college student is unorganized.They push through the living room and into the kitchen. "You want anything to drink?" MJ offers, pulling a cup for herself from the cupboard. "I'm good." he waves away her offer. She places her mug under the tea maker on the counter and presses the button. Steaming tea pours into her cup and she makes it the way she likes it. Peter notices that her favorite tea isn't what he ordered for her back at the diner.

He sits down in the rickety chair placed before the table. She sits across from him, a concerned look all over her face.

"I want to be Spider-Man again," He begins. "But it just haunts me."

"I think, Pete, that you need to turn all that negative energy that is related to the suit into positive energy. You need to tell yourself that Tony would have wanted you to save people. Like him. Holding yourself back is just a big bump in the road. However, you clearly need a break." She brings the mug to her lips and takes a sip. She sighs. "I'm going to get changed. Don't let your emotions go anywhere, we are gonna talk."

 

He smiles as the words leave her lips, glad that she cares so much. He doesn't know why but there is something about her presence that has changed since the last he saw her. It is like he can say anything that is on his mind to her and she will listen. Peter has never seen this part of her personality, and he wonders if its because he wasn't so emotionally unstable before. She walks into her room, humming some song.

Michelle wasn't one to share her emotions either, but she had to in order to comfort him. She felt the need to do so in that situation. The relationship between them was weird. She stares at him now in a new light. He's different than before.

She walks out, new clothes on and perfume spritzed behind her ears and on her wrists.

"You ready? To talk?" She asks, sitting where she was before.

He looks up from his phone, and his thumbs stop moving.

"Hm? Uh yeah, sure, I was just texting Ned. I told him that you needed help with an essay and I was staying a little longer than expected. Oh!" His gaze averts from MJ's eyes back to his phone when it vibrates. "He said: 'I ate all the bacon. Sorry not sorry.'"

She laughs slightly. He sniffs the air. "Is that Ariana Grande perfume I smell! God _IS_ a woman!"

"Dude shut up, that song is _so_ like five years ago. And how on _earth_ did you pick that up?"

"I got bitten by a spider." He shrugs. "My senses are dialed to 11. It's not fun when I have to run through a dog park to find an old lady's dog." He places his phone on the table. "But anyways, you smell much better," He giggles.

MJ blushes. She has no clue why. Maybe its the fact that he commented on it and noticed it amongst the smell of dirty laundry? Peter from four years ago would have most certainly commented on her dirty laundry.

Peter notices this rush of color to her cheeks and he smiles, staring at her. He doesn't comment about it, though.

"You see? Spider-Man has its positive memories." She says, tracing her thumb on the mug.

" **But all I can remember are bad ones**." He replies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(A/N; so sorry for taking super long to upload this! hope u enjoy xx)


	3. three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter and mj talk a bit more in her dorm.

_“I- I have to use the bathroom.” MJ pops her head out of her current novel and stares at Peter. He looks lifeless. He’s visibly shaking, and hard. The teacher nods, allowing him to leave. He picks up his book bag and storms out, MJ following him. Ned was the one to normally calm him down but he had been out sick for the past few days. She darts into the bathroom, finding Peter on the floor, rolled into a small ball. Sobs emit from him, but they are muffled because his head is crammed in between his legs. He is rocking back and forth. MJ has never seen it this bad before._

 

_They were approaching their last year semester of high-school. Peter started having attacks after Tony died. The triggers were simple. A few brief words together in a sentence was all that set them off. The teacher had called out to him. He didn’t respond, his mind flooded with random things at the time._

 

_“Peter...Peter!!” Some of Mister Stark’s final words. Before he- His sobs became louder, bouncing off the bathroom walls. “Parker..” She knew some of his triggers, and had refrained from saying his whole name. She rushes over to him, her knees skidding on the tile below her. It hurt, yet she didn’t mind. She leans up against the wall, looking at him. MJ has no idea what do to. She quickly recalls what Ned taught her. “Make him take deep breaths. Got it.” “Petey, hey, I need you to do something for me,” She coos. “Take some deep breaths, alright? I’m here.” He doesn’t stop shaking and he still sobs at the same rate as before. “Can I touch you?” He nods._

_MJ rubs his back in circles. Ned does this to calm him down. It works a little bit, and he cries less. MJ has never seen him cry during an attack. Normally, he just has a difficult time breathing and he’s very shaken up. Peter eventually leans into her, calming down as she whispers positive things in his ear. She places her free hand around him and lets him know that everything will be okay. Little did she know, it still wouldn’t be okay, even after 4 years._

 

MJ shudders at the thought of his panic attacks.

 

 

 

“Peter, can you be honest with me?” He puts his phone down.

“Yeah? What’s up? Sorry I was on my phone, you sorta spaced out.” “Do you still have attacks?”

Peter falls silent.

“Just nightmares now.” She understands. MJ sees him gulp. He clearly is recalling his shaking in the bathroom. The crying-

“That’s good. I mean, the attacks are gone at least.”

“Its been four years, Michelle. I’m still fucking upset about it. God,” He slides his hands down his face.

“Healing takes a while, you know.”

“I thought it would take two months tops. But when I realized after a year I still was the same-“

“He was your father, Peter. Non-biologically. You looked at him with such love. You are allowed to be upset.” Peter stands up, running his hands through his hair. Michelle watches as he stresses out.

 

“I got the company after I graduated. I barely show up but I still get a big pay at the end of the week. Pepper does the work for me- a-and their poor kid. I can’t even think what he’s going through. I can’t-“ He starts to breath heavy and he points to his neck. “C- Can’t-“ He falls to the floor, a familiar thing for him to do.

 

 _Wow,_ he thinks. _What a wimp I am. I can’t even say a sentence without panicking_.

Michelle rushes to his side as he struggles to breathe. He can’t remember how to. “I’m gonna touch you now, alright?” A nod. She rubs his back in circles like she did so many years ago.

“That’s it, Parker. Deep breaths. In-“ She pauses, breathing in with him. “Hold it,”

“And out.”

She looks at him, the distress evident on his face. “Remember when you, me and Ned went to England?” He nods as he inhales.

“And you did that shitty accent?” _Exhale. Nod._

“We had a lunch by the sea. What did we eat?” _Inhale. Hold._ “Fish and chips.” _Exhale._

“That’s right.” MJ smiles.

 _Inhale. Hold. Exhale._ Peter kept those three words in his mind as his body calmed down.

_Inhale. Hold. Exhale._

He lifts his head lazily to look at MJ. “Thank you. I’m sorry for this-I swear it hasn’t happened since high-school. ” She grabs his hand.

“No problem, Parker. I believe you.” She smirks. “If I’m honest, you calm me down quicker than Ned, y’know.” He purses his lips. “Peter, it’s been 30 minutes.”

“Yeah, it took Ned in high-school around 45 minutes.” “Really? Hm.” She stands up. “I’m gonna call Ned.”

“What? No!” He tries to stand, but dizziness overcomes him. “Why not?” 

 _Funny how I crumble over a few thoughts_.  _I’m Spider-Man. Yet I can’t even stand..._  Peter thinks to himself.

“I kinda told him I’m over Tony.” He shudders at the name.

“He doesn’t know your still upset over it? Parker!” She scolds. “I didn’t want him worrying! You know how he gets! He would be on my back all the time.”

“He’s only all over you because he cares, dipshit.” She laughs, grabbing his phone.

“I won’t call him if you don’t want, but I’m gonna text him from your phone and tell him we won’t be back for a while. That okay?” He nods, trying to stand again.

He eventually regains balance. 

“And.. sent!” She exclaims. The phone dings immediately. “Cool, he’s gonna get his own food. He’ll call later.” MJ sighs, looking around.

Peter sits down at the table once more. She opens her cabinet. “I have,” She throws ramen on the table.

“One package of oriental ramen. You hungry?”

He wants to laugh, but he can’t. “Uh, not really. Thanks though.”

“Sorry about that Parker. Money’s tight.” Concern wipes across Peter’s face.

“You need money? I have a lot. I honestly don’t know what to do with-“

“Nope,” She pops the p. “I’m not a charity case. Last call though, I will eat this if you don’t.”

“Please,” He pulls out his wallet, throwing a stack of hundreds on the table. “It’s really overwhelming. Take it.” He pushes it towards her.

“Parker-damn, how much is here?” She gasps, shocked at how thick the pile of money strewn across her table is. “Uh, I dunno, maybe five thousand? I didn’t count it.”

“No, nuh uh.” She pushes it back to him.

“MJ, please, I insist. I have so much I don’t know what to spend it on. At least it’s going to a good cause.”

“Peter, I’m not poor."

“You have a single pack of ramen and the milk in your fridge has gone bad, alongside the eggs.” He pushes it back to her. “How did you? You can smell that?” She shrinks in embarrassment. 

"Like I said, senses are dialed to 11 hun,”

“Take it back, dude, seriously, I don’t need it.” She tries to fight it but there’s no use. MJ picks up the money, and tries to hand it to him but he jumps on the ceiling.

“Really? That’s cheating.” “Can’t give it back if you can’t reach me.” A smirk dances on his lips, and Michelle becomes aware she’s lost.

“I’ll pay you back.” Opening the cabinet, She places it in a Spider-Man mug. Her savings mug.

“You have my merch?” Peter leaps from the ceiling and lands on the floor perfectly. He takes a moment to fix his hair.

“Maybe. I haven’t stopped thinking about you, and well, y’know, how you were doing and all.” She lifts her cup of tea to her lips, and it’s cold but she doesn’t mind. “Why didn’t you stop by May’s? Or the tower?”

“I kinda, I dunno,” Her shoulders fall before continuing. “I thought that maybe you forgot about me or something.” “We were close, I mean I guess to my terms? I have never really had friends. I scared away my roommate ‘cause I barely spoke to her. She thought I was nuts.” She laughs briefly, recalling the girl. “But yeah, I thought you wouldn’t remember me.”

She refuses to look him in the eye, mentally preparing for him to scold her. But he doesn’t. His words come out soft and sincere.

**“I would never forget someone like you. Not in a million years.”**


End file.
